My Conversation with Zack Snyder

Batman v Superman released a few weeks ago and critics have SLAMMED it, giving it only a 29% on Rotten Tomatoes. I, on the other hand, watched it twice; and I’m certain many people haven’t watched it yet. This is probably scaring the crap out of all of you who are excited for this movie. Which is why, I'm going to give my opinion about it.

I loved it........buuuuuuuuuuut it had problems. It was in no way a perfect movie, but the critic hate is unwarranted for most part. It was like when you run down a hill way too fast and you end up tripping up and rolling to the bottom of the hill. It was a mess, but it was totally worth it. But if I were in charge of editing director Zack Snyder’s final work, I’d probably change a lot in it. But since that is never going to happen to an incompetent, inexperienced fool like me, I’ll just have to use my imagination.    SPOILER ALERT !!!!!

                          

*Cue introspective music*

Me- Mr. Snyder! May I have a word?

Z. Snyder- Well if it isn’t my highly trained, well experienced, charming, not at all incompetent and most of all- HUMBLE editor. What can I do for you? [I know you're 

giving me a condescending look, but I choose to ignore it]

Me- I’ve read the script...

z- Well.... what do you think?

Me- it’s fine but it could be done better

Z –How so?

Me- Right off the bat [pun intended] let me say that there is very little action in the first half of the movie. Sure the politics and the cerebral rush of this movie are important factors. But frankly, we’re just here to see Batman and Superman punch each other in the face.

Z- You sure? But all that Politics is really important. I don’t see any part that I could cut.

Me- Yes you can. The Knightmare scene was completely unnecessary. It was completely out of context. The Flash warning? Cut it. The files? Put that in the mid credits.

Z –But why cut the knightmare scene? It was amazing! Mid credits?! But that’s something people love. I can’t do it. It will turn my movie into one where no one complains. That’s just not my style.

Me- Don’t be an idiot. Instead have Batman fight Superman once in the first half, when Superman stops the Batmobile. This time have superman beat him easily.

Z- Hmm. That would be fair and fun. I don’t like it.

Me- Well, deal with it. Also, Lex’s intentions were unclear. Apart from that “abusive father” thing, we virtually have no idea why he’s after Superman.

Z- That's a complicated situation see, he doesn’t believe...

Me- Don’t bother, no one cares. Just make it clearer. Add it in the first half when he’s talking to Senator Finch.

Z – Uh huh. Anything else?

Me- Doomsday. We don’t need him. Save him for Justice League, Darkseid’s ace in the hole perhaps? This movie is about a fight between two superheroes, so focus more on that.

Also, he looks like an Ugly Ninja Turtle

                                        

Z – But how will they stop fighting?

Me- Yeah, another thing- don’t end it with “Martha”. The internet will laugh their asses off. Have them fight each other, but then make Wonder Woman interfere, perhaps bitch slap them both and tell them who’s really pulling the strings.    

Z – [Gets excited]. That would increase her importance as an embassy of peace, which is basically what she stands for. YUREKA!!!! [Writes furiously]

Me- I think my work here is done. [Gets in Batmobile]

See what I mean? I mostly liked the movie. But I think I just solved every problem this movie has. Most critics hated it. It got 70% audience score on rotten tomatoes, so naturally this movie was a figure of controversy. For those of you who are scared right now, let me tell you- Critics don’t matter. Movies tastes are entirely subjective. Some people like family movies without much action, some like light hearted action movies like the ones Marvel make, and many of you even prefer dark, gritty movies that are devoid of humour and some of you are just a bunch of wankers watching nothing but porn . My point is, don’t let critics hold you down. Watch whatever you like and even whatever you don’t like, because trying out new thing are fun. Unless you like Fant4stic, in that case you’re a weirdo.

Also, this is my 25th post!!! Hurray! A big thanks to all my family, friends and supporters who keep reading whatever nonsense I send them.

Yours in Demigodishness,

Unniposeidon